Tuesday, May 31, 2011
"just because you are obviously fruit forward and have an earthy undertone doesn't mean you have to be so uptight. we know you got a little wet from the errant water balloon, but honestly, that's the risk you take when picnicking in dolores park. there's no need to be an anise about it."
thank you to a couple of our readers for this great submission!
Friday, May 27, 2011
i'm driving slowly because i'm looking for a parking space, you piece of shit. i'm not driving like this for my health. that's why i'm waving you on with my arm out the window. i actually told you what i'm doing with my arm. stop honking and go around me.
Thursday, May 26, 2011
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
just arbitrarily mentioning places you've been or things you're doing in the middle of a conversation about someone's vacation, doesn't actually add to the conversation. it just makes you seem like a moron.
Monday, May 23, 2011
oh my god, just because your boarding number is A3 and mine is C55 doesn't mean you have to run onto the plane and take the aisle seat and put your bag on the window seat "saving it for someone" and be a dick when i need to squeeze by you to get to the middle seat, because that's all that's left. you're still flying southwest. clearly you're not better than anyone.
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Monday, May 9, 2011
how is it possible that every word out of your mouth is some unfunny "joke" or one-liner, yet you're not funny at all, 100% of the time? you'd think that things would average out and you'd be funny at least some of the time but no. you're definitely not.
Friday, May 6, 2011
Thursday, May 5, 2011
when we're having a conversation, i need some context about the shit you're talking about. john and lisa being at the same place as joe and lindsay means nothing to me when i don't know who those fucking people are.
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
your facebook status messages are out of control. updating your status every 15 minutes with cryptic passive aggressive half poems about the universe and fate and light and dark doesn't make me want to ask "what's wrong?" it makes me want to kill you. get over yourself.
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
wow, so you cleaned the kitchen. amazing. a 3-year-old orangutan can do the same thing, and a 3-year-old orangutan doesn't even beg for praise afterwards. how does that feel, being compared to a 3-year-old orangutan?