Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
every day you're berated for having the lousiest privacy controls of all time. then you finally copy someone else and get your shit together, and you yell at me every time i sign on about how great the new privacy controls are. i get it! they're great! fine! if i need to know how to use them, i'll look it up my fucking self.
Monday, August 29, 2011
Friday, August 26, 2011
watching you chew gum or a muffin or cud or whatever the fuck is in your mouth, is like watching a lion at the zoo, masticate a piece of raw meat. like, why is your mouth wide open? your gaping maw at 8 a.m. while waiting for a train is making want to vomit.
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
your big booming voice behind my head, yelling at the pitcher, the catcher, the umpire, the third baseman, and the guy selling churros 15 sections away, is not making me enjoy this game any more than your whistling and clapping are. just stop talking, for once.
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Monday, August 22, 2011
free tip: if we are in a crowded store and i look like i need to get by you, it's because i do. i gave you a hint when i said "excuse me." that's why i said "excuse me." that's what "excuse me" means. step aside, you fuck.
Friday, August 19, 2011
you think you're so funny, with your german accent and your heckling and your pretending that you don't know what's going on here. i'll tell you what's going on here: we're at a karaoke bar and you're being a dick. does that help? get off the fucking stage, this is my song.
Thursday, August 18, 2011
this is supposed to be fun after work time. a hobby. we're doing a theater production together. why are you acting like it's life and death? it's a fucking musical, and we're not even getting paid for this. here's a suggestion: stop being an insensitive diva, and start learning your lines.
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Monday, August 15, 2011
i've been walking behind you for 5 minutes on the busiest street in the universe, with no hope of passing you because it's too crowded and everyone is a dick. i get that you're an addict, but was it necessary to light up a cigarette just now? you couldn't wait till you stopped at your destination? the last thing i needed on my way to work today was lung cancer.
Friday, August 12, 2011
Thursday, August 11, 2011
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
if any type of spicy food will "send you to the hospital right away," and you definitely can't have spice in any of your food, why are you at a fucking thai restaurant ordering curry? go to olive garden, you prick.
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
look, we're all walking in the same direction, trying to escape this fire hazard chaos that's the underground public transportation. you won't let me merge into your line to get up the escalator? it was really more important for you to be on the steps ONE person sooner? well, thank god you made it in time. if you would've let me in, you might not have. dick.
Monday, August 8, 2011
Friday, August 5, 2011
Thursday, August 4, 2011
look, i didn't hit your fucking car with my car door. that's why there's not a huge dent on the side of your car. but keying my car as retribution was a great idea. i'm driving a fucking zip car, do you think i care what happens to it? the only thing that suffered through this exchange is your 2-year-old, who witnessed the entire thing, and your karma. drink your kombucha and calm the eff down.
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
i get that you work for whatever charity organization it is that you work for, and that's great, but harassing me every time i step outside my office about signing for whatever it is you want me to sign for, is annoying. and then making me feel bad about not signing is you being a dick. it's hard to care about an organization that sends dicks out to get people to care about it.
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
why are you continuing to move forward, even though the cars in front of you are stopped and you're clearly going to be caught in the middle of the intersection when the light changes? there, see? the light changed and now you're stuck in the intersection like an asshole. and now all these other assholes are honking at you. you are a morning ruiner.