Friday, September 30, 2011
here's a quick lesson in parking etiquette, dickface: if you're standing around your car, and it's unclear that you just got there, and i'm sitting in my car with the blinker on, it wouldn't kill you to wave and let me know you're not leaving. don't just stand there looking at me like a piece of shit, while you talk to your friends and put crap in the trunk. that's how tires get slashed.
Thursday, September 29, 2011
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
you do realize that you're living in an apartment building and there is an apartment below you, right? you don't? well that's fucking obvious, by the way you stomp around all the time. i don't get how your ankles aren't broken by now. it sounds like you're trying to kick a hole through the floor.
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
i get it that you're a tourist and you don't get how to move and walk and not be in my way, but if you can do that without being a complete dick about it, i wouldn't hate you as much.
Monday, September 26, 2011
Friday, September 23, 2011
see those two lines in the middle of the street? the ones you're walking in between? they're called a crosswalk. it's not called a "stand around and take fucking pictures of the sky, even after the light changes, because i'm a tourist" walk. get it together.
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
if i'm in your way, and you need to get by, a simple "excuse me, please" would suffice. you don't have to huff and puff your way around me like a passive aggressive big bad wolf. i'm not a fucking house made of sticks.
Monday, September 19, 2011
Friday, September 16, 2011
when you start a story with someone's name who i don't even know, the rest of the story becomes inconsequential. i don't care what you and joe are doing when i don't even know who joe is. this type of human behavior--introducing subjects--we learned in third grade. where were you?
Thursday, September 15, 2011
i'm sorry, did i hurt someone dear to your heart? did you watch me murder innocent kittens and puppies and babies? no? then the look you're giving me is totally unwarranted, considering all i did was GET ON THIS BUS and THEN STOOD HERE. you do realize this is public transportation, right? i didn't just fucking get into your car.
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
do you think this bus is your own personal space? judging by how you're yelling all your personal fucking business into that cell phone, you do. as if there weren't 300 people around you. great, now i know what your boyfriend is doing and where you're going and how much it costs. shut the fuck up.
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Monday, September 12, 2011
when you ask whether i think people would mind if you turn on music while we are watching a football game, and i answer "yes," and then you tell me that i shouldn't mind you doing it, that makes you an asshole. if you go and turn on the music anyway, that makes you a huge dick. good one, dick.
Friday, September 9, 2011
Thursday, September 8, 2011
why are you acting like me ordering food off this menu is the worst thing that's ever happened to you? you're a server in a restaurant. serving me food that i ordered is literally the main part of your job. your job title is "server in a restaurant," not dick holding a pencil and pad of paper.
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
i'm jogging toward your face, you actually see me jogging toward you, yet you can't be bothered to move 1 inch in either direction for me to get around you. you don't own the fucking sidewalk, you selfish prig. move over and let other people use it.
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
do you hear that screaming? that's your child. your child is screaming and hasn't shut up for a scrillion minutes. and we're in nordstrom. and he's 10. there's no reason that a 10-year-old should be screaming for that long, without you telling him to, i don't know, stop. he's making me want to get my tubes tied.