Monday, July 16, 2012
Friday, July 13, 2012
i don't get why you don't know how this works. this bus isn't even crowded. look around you. is anyone else standing on anyone else's feet? no. so back the eff off me before i cut you at the knees.
Thursday, March 22, 2012
see this room we are in? it's a movie theater. see the 300 empty seats? it's a wednesday; there are only four people in here, including you and me. was it necessary to sit right next to me? i can hear you breathing. i hope you kick your soda over.
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
your dog pooped on the sidewalk. don't look around all sneaky and pretend that you don't see it. everyone sees it. your dog is enormous. even your dog is like, "are you going to pick that up, man?"
(image found here)
Friday, January 27, 2012
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
we're not at LAX, we're walking in the financial district of san francisco. schlepping a wheeled suitcase behind you that is so clearly your "briefcase" and not your luggage for a vacation is so stupid and annoying and making everyone trip and fall all over themselves. and the worst part is that your head is so far up your ass, you don't even notice. i'm going to wheel that thing all over your stupid face in a second.
Thursday, January 19, 2012
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
that customer you're flirting with couldn't be less interested in you if she stood up, spit in your face, punched you, and then laughed. so speed it along and take her order already, i have places to be and i'm next.
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
having you as an upstairs neighbor is probably the worst thing that's ever happened to my REM cycle. your clomping around and moving furniture and bowling and whatever else the fuck you are doing up there is making me want to set your apartment on fire. just know that.